The Onion

Flooding In Mozambique

March 15, 2000 | Issue 36•09

Four weeks of severe flooding have left untold thousands dead and 240,000 homeless in Mozambique, with still more rain expected. What do you think of this dire international situation?

Old Man

Todd Pollack,
Lawyer
"First, we have to bail out the Africans because they don't have enough water. Now, it's because they have too much. Which is it, folks?"

Asian Man

Mark Schor,
Telemarketer
"It's awful what's happening over there. We should start bombing as soon as possible."

Black Man

Brian Waller,
Systems Analyst
"Mozambique, Mozambique, Mozambique. All you ever hear about in the news is Mozambique."

Young Woman

Bobbie Alexander,
Dental Hygienist
"I just hope Paul Simon was airlifted to safety in time."

Old Woman

Lynne Allen,
Homemaker
"It seems like wherever those Doctors Without Borders go, trouble crops up."

Young Man

Scott Groginsky,
Postal Worker
"Oh, those brown people. What will they get themselves into next?"

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