The Onion

Violence On Ice

March 1, 2000 | Issue 36•07

On Feb. 21, Boston Bruins defenseman Marty McSorley was suspended for the rest of the season for a savage stick hit to the head of Vancouver Canucks left winger Donald Brashear. What do you think of this latest incident of NHL violence and the possibility of criminal prosecution?

Old Woman

Samantha Krauss,
Author
"Hockey players need to learn to sit down and work through their differences through improved communication. That's the premise of my new book, Penguins Are From Pittsburgh, Oilers Are From Edmonton."

Asian Man

Ed Wyler,
Cashier
"Man, I'd hate to do time in one of them Canadian prisons. I've heard some scary stuff."

Young Man

Doug Rohm,
Welder
"I hit someone in the face with a stick at Wal-Mart yesterday, and the greeters had me in the cart corral for 10 minutes."

Young Woman

Donna Winters,
Manicurist
"Wasn't Brashear cushioned from the blow by his long, flowing mane of hockey hair?"

Old Man

Sam Schneider,
Systems Analyst
"I can't believe the police would want to get involved just because a man intentionally hit another man with a blunt object with the intent to cause great bodily harm."

Black Man

Bruce Thomas,
Attorney
"This sort of violence will stop once the players realize how much it displeases the fans."

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