The Onion

The Enron Scandal

January 30, 2002 | Issue 38•03

Enron, which went bankrupt amid charges of document shredding, shady accounting, and executive greed, is the subject of a House hearing. What do you think?

Young Woman

Donna Clarke,
Librarian
"Whoever is responsible for this scandal should be a man and step forward for a very short sentence in a very posh jail."

Young Man

Chris Anderson,
Mailroom Clerk
"Oh, to be a fly on the wall at that 463-hour hearing."

Asian Man

Buddy Jessup,
Landscaper
"This marks the end of an era of innocence for our nation's massive energy concerns."

Old Man

Frederick Voss,
Lawyer
"Serves those employees right for buying into something as shady as a corporate 401(k) plan."

Black Man

Robert Rossum,
Systems Analyst
"It's bad, but it's not worth killing yourself over. Unless you're a former senior executive with inside knowledge of the company's crimes, that is."

Old Woman

Melinda Grazen,
Teacher
"The government is going to take a half-hearted stab at bringing those responsible to justice, right? Good."

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