The Onion

Layoffs And The R-Word

March 7, 2001 | Issue 37•08

Every day, another major company announces thousands of layoffs, stoking fears of an economic recession. What do you think?

Old Woman

Barbara Hicks,
Psychologist
"Recession? But what about the gumdrop trees and magical fairy dust I just ordered online?"

Asian Man

Bob Bardaji,
Cashier
"I doubt my getting fired from the Dairy Queen is a bellwether of recession, but it sure is a bellwether of I stuck my wang in the butterscotch."

Young Woman

Debra Luner,
Graphic Designer
"There's no such thing as a no-growth economy, silly. That's just a story parents used to tell us kids to scare us."

Young Man

Milt Conlon,
Auto Worker
"What do I care? GM closed its Saginaw plant, but I work for the Lansing plant."

Black Man

Graham Robertson,
Systems Analyst
"Oh, my God! Pull your money out of the bank! Sell your stocks! Hang Louis Rukeyser!"

Old Man

J. Foster Thompson,
Industrialist
"Yes, yes, this is all very fascinating, but if you'll excuse me, I have a yacht I must name."

Cut-and-paste

Include:

Preview

Copy and paste this code into a new post in Blogger, MySpace, or any other blog tool. It will display this Onion headline, picture, and teaser copy on your page, depending on what you select above.

It's up to you to write the rest of the blog post.

 

Text This Headline

 

Powered by TeleFlip use to email to any cell phone

  • Print
  • blog this
  • StumbleUpon
  • Reddit
  • digg this

Personal of the Day