The Onion

The Puff Daddy Trial

February 28, 2001 | Issue 37•07

Rapper Sean "Puffy" Combs is on trial for illegal gun possession and bribery stemming from a 1999 shooting at a Manhattan nightclub. What do you think?

Asian Man

Bob Ayers,
Cashier
"How can Puffy possibly get a fair trial? It'll be impossible to find 12 jurors who don't already hate him for his shitty music."

Young Woman

Aimee Kohl,
Graduate Student
"I don't think it was a good idea for Puffy to take the stand and just chant, 'Unhh, yeah' over a recording of O.J. Simpson's testimony."

Old Man

Jim Druckert,
Jim Druckert
"A rapper with a gun? This is the most insane witch hunt in history."

Old Woman

Natalie Orza,
Homemaker
"So they're prosecuting him on gun charges but letting him off the hook for 'I'll Be Missing You'?"

Black Man

Gregg Butler,
Accountant
"I bet Jay-Z is so jealous."

Young Man

John Whalen,
Cab Driver
"Man, I'd hate to cross paths with that guy in prison. No, wait–that would be fine."

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