The Onion

The Budget Surplus

October 14, 1998 | Issue 34•11

The 1998 fiscal year ended with a federal budget surplus of $70 billion, the first surplus in three decades. What do you think?

Wimpy Guy

Christopher Meacham,
Delivery Driver
"We must've gotten all that money when we stopped buying those $3,000 hammers."

Girl With Glasses

Suzanne Gamble,
Potter
"I propose that a gold-doubloon-filled national vault be built in which all U.S. citizens may frolic and shout 'I'm rich! I'm rich!'"

Blonde Girl

Meredith Wynegar,
Mechanical Engineer
"This is great. Now we can finally pay off .0000002 percent of the interest on the national debt."

Other Guy

Jim Nettles,
Science Teacher
"Imagine that–all this happening right before an election. What luck."

Minority Guy

Rick Randolph,
Systems Analyst
"Seventy billion might seem like a lot but just wait until the government finds out how much tax it'll have to pay on it."

Guy With Sunglasses

Eric Milbourne,
Student
"Do you think we should put that money toward bailing out our bankrupt Social Security system? Me neither. PlayStations for all!"

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