The Onion

Impeach Clinton?

September 23, 1998 | Issue 34•08

With Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr's report now in the American people's hands, talk has turned to the prospect of impeaching the president. What do you think?

Other Guy

Patrick Davis,
Travel Agent
"Of course he should be removed from office. For Christ's sake, he had that thing in her mouth."

Blonde Girl

Emily Tidrow,
Librarian
"The president is faced with a great crisis, and he should do the right thing–marry Monica."

Guy With Sunglasses

Wayne Bonds,
Systems Analyst
"Help me out here. What exactly did he do again? Because I'm really going to need a lot of extremely precise details if I'm to make an informed decision."

Girl With Glasses

Samantha Kravec,
Flight Attendant
"Why are we wasting time and money on this ridiculous issue when flag-burning is still legal in this country?"

Minority Guy

Optometrist,
Nathan Capilla
"Clinton couldn't have done anything worse if he had traded weapons to a hostile foreign power, secretly diverted taxpayer funds to Central American rebels or knowingly allowed a U.S. naval base to be attacked by Japan."

Wimpy Guy

Jason Durham,
Custodian
"The adultery doesn't bother me. It's Clinton's love of frog figurines that weirds me out."

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