The Onion

HMOs And Birth Control

August 26, 1998 | Issue 34•04

HMOs do not cover birth control, a fact that has angered many people in light of HMOs' coverage of Viagra. What do you think?

Other Guy

William Ormond,
Lawyer
"If HMOs are made to cover birth control, what's next–diphtheria vaccinations?"

Minority Guy

Lonnie Samms,
Graphic Designer
"If HMOs refuse to pay for birth control, they should at least make up for it by performing as many unnecessary Caesarian sections as possible."

Blonde Girl

Samantha Eccles,
Cashier
"My HMO didn't cover birth control. Now they cover Brianna, Michael, Ashley, Renee, Devon and Jasmine."

Girl With Glasses

Alicia Donegan,
Student
"That's okay if HMOs won't pay for birth control: Sheila says it totally makes you pork out."

Guy With Sunglasses

Chris Reiner,
Personal Trainer
"HMOs should stop paying for cancer treatment, as well. That just encourages people to get cancer."

Wimpy Guy

Benjamin Schell,
Math Teacher
"Birth control should not be covered because it's a lifestyle choice. Viagra, on the other hand, saves lives."

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