The Onion

Bilingual Education Under Fire

June 17, 1998 | Issue 33•23

On June 2, California voters overwhelmingly passed Proposition 227, a measure eliminating bilingual education programs for millions of Spanish-speaking immigrants. What do you think?

Other Guy

Richard Moore,
Systems Analyst
"We don't need bilingual education. We just need to speak louder and slower, and finish all sentences with, 'Comprendé?'"

Minority Guy

Peter Amos,
Graphic Designer
"I am in favor of bilingual education, as long as the two languages are Choctaw and BASIC."

Girl With Glasses

Christine Falcone,
Civil Engineer
"My great-grandfather arrived in America in 1903, and I can assure you, he did not speak Spanish."

Blonde Girl

Marisa Schone,
Legal Secretary
"This problem is even worse in Mexico: Almost nobody speaks English over there."

Guy With Sunglasses

Oliver Kittridge,
Lawyer
"It is vital that Spanish-speaking immigrants learn English. How else are they supposed to understand how I want my hedges clipped?"

Wimpy Guy

Stockbroker,
Eddie Wuhl
"I've been living here on El Camino Drive in Santa Cruz for nearly 30 years, and, thank goodness, I've never had to speak a word of Spanish."

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