The Onion

India And The Bomb

May 20, 1998 | Issue 33•19

India conducted five underground nuclear tests last week and has vowed to conduct more, prompting strong condemnation and economic sanctions from the U.S. What do you think?

Wimpy Guy

Chris Knight,
Chiropractor
"Indians testing nuclear bombs? They can't even get my tandoori right."

Blonde Girl

Lori Backman,
Mathematician
"God, the Indians are so much more in touch with their spiritual side, aren't they?"

Minority Guy

Lawrence Santana,
Flight Attendant
"I guess this finally explains where all those glowing, six-armed blue guys came from."

Girl With Glasses

Systems Analyst,
Patricia Wilson
"India should heed America's call to stop nuclear testing. After all, we obliged when India asked us to stop in the '40s, '50s, '60s, '70s and '80s."

Guy With Sunglasses

Sales Representative,
Josh Carter
"I'm just glad American Indians don't have the bomb. Talk about heap big payback for Paleface."

Other Guy

Joseph Teufel,
Landscaper
"I just hope the Indians love their children, too."

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