The Onion

Skyrocketing TV-Star Salaries

April 15, 1998 | Issue 33•14

Next year, Helen Hunt will earn $1 million per episode of Mad About You. NBC offered Jerry Seinfeld $3 million per episode to continue Seinfeld. What do you think about the recent explosion in television stars' salaries?

Other Guy

Richard Strom,
Science Teacher
"I know it's a lot of money, but come on: Those TV shows are fuckin' great."

Girl With Glasses

Christine Kosta,
Graduate Student
"Mark my words–Americans will soon tire of the trash that is television and turn once more to classical Greek theatre, moved to laughter and tears as they discover that gods still haunt the proscenium."

Guy With Sunglasses

Allan Holcomb,
Interpreter
"These television stars are overpaid no-talents who don't deserve a fraction of the money they're getting. Except that one guy on The Sentinel."

Blonde Girl

Tina Alt,
Legal Secretary
"Anyone who questions whether TV stars are worth the money they're getting obviously hasn't watched Moesha."

Wimpy Guy

Greg Stallings,
Systems Analyst
"One million dollars is a fair price to pay Helen Hunt for that episode where she gave birth. That had to hurt like hell."

Minority Guy

Ryan Schu,
Firefighter
"If we don't pay top dollar to make our television the best it can be, it is the children of America who will ultimately suffer."

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