Organ-Transplant Prioritization
Congress recently reformed organ-transplant waiting-list laws, giving priority to the person most in need instead of the person geographically closest to the available organ. What do you think about the controversy over how to distribute life-saving organs?
Julie Paris,
Legal Secretary
"Organs should go to those with the fewest. I, for example, have only a left lung and a pancreas."
Doug Bailey,
Telemarketer
"They're going to give organs to the people who need them most? That's great, because my Baldwin Fun Machine just went on the fritz. Yeah, the rhumba button's stuck."
Geoff Mercy,
Systems Analyst
"I hope these new reforms don't mean I get bumped down on the waiting list for a new eye. Not that I need one, or anything—I just think it'd be awesome to have an eye in a jar."
Risa Stargell,
Teacher
"I hope they get the technology perfected soon, because I could sure use one of those horse cocks."
Michelle Hobbs,
Cellist
"This new 'worst-first' policy is un-American. Now how will our aging, alcoholic baseball heroes and hippie folk-rockers receive preferential liver transplants?"
George Foley,
Longshoreman
"Isn't it just like those greedy transplant cases—They gotta have just the right organ, and they gotta have it now."
