The Onion

The Holocaust And The Vatican

March 25, 1998 | Issue 33•11

Last week, the Vatican issued a document apologizing for its silence during the Holocaust. Jewish leaders called the document–which spread the blame for the genocide and praised wartime Pope Pius XII as a diplomat—"too little, too late." What do you think?

Other Guy

John Frank,
Chemical Engineer
"Oh, like none of us ever collaborated with the Nazis in a systematic campaign to end the Jewish Problem. We're all just sooo perfect, aren't we?"

Wimpy Guy

Michael Richelieu,
Carpenter
"This is the worst thing to happen in Catholic-Jewish relations since Billy Joel said, 'You Catholic girls start much too late.' Billy Joel is Jewish, isn't he?"

Guy With Sunglasses

Oscar Dwyer,
Landscaper
"So the Catholics say they're sorry, but they stand by the Pope? That's the same thing Father Miller said after he cornholed me."

Minority Guy

Cory Patterson,
Systems Analyst
"I'll tell you one thing, no matter what happens, both sides of this debate are going to be riddled with guilt."

Girl With Glasses

Lisa Silverman,
Occupational Therapist
"I'm still waiting for an apology from the producers of Hogan's Heroes. They barely even acknowledged the Holocaust on that show."

Blonde Girl

Libby Kasich,
Dental Hygienist
"I'm sure Pope Pius was just following God's orders."

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