The Onion

Embattled Liberia

August 6, 2003 | Issue 39•30

The Bush administration is still unsure what role the U.S. military should play in war-ravaged Liberia. What do you think?

Old Man

Raymond Blair,
Systems Analyst
"If there's one thing I know about other countries, it's that they can't get enough of our troops."

Old Woman

Penny Harmon,
LPN
"Why does it always have to be troops we send? Let's send them something nice, like a pretty candle."

Black Man

Paul Doherty,
Civil Drafter
"Ah, let's just strongly condemn the latest round of escalating violence and leave it at that."

Young Man

Ethan Templeton,
Gaming Dealer
"I don't understand why everyone's so up in arms about some unruly librarians."

Young Woman

Tamra Rider,
Fitness Trainer
"As an opponent of military intervention, I have a question: What sort of giant protest puppets are appropriate for the Liberian situation?"

Asian Man

Rufus Moyer,
EMT
"Isn't this one of those situations we can just leave for our children?"

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