The Onion

The Waco Cover-Up

September 22, 1999 | Issue 35•34

Last week, it was revealed that in 1995, the Justice Department delivered a report to Congress without a page that referred to the FBI's use of an incendiary tear gas during its 1993 assault on the Branch Davidian compound in Waco. What do you think about this rapidly widening scandal?

Black Man

Dan Bumbry,
Financial Advisor
"C'mon, cut those FBI guys a little slack. If we held them accountable for every little cover-up conspiracy, they'd never get any firebombing done."

Old Woman

Rhonda Baylor,
Optometrist
"Listen, the FBI had to use deadly force: Those guys in there had some sort of Messiah or something."

Asian Man

Bob Cabell,
Elevator Repairman
"Now that the truth has come out about the Waco cover-up, I just hope my whole Roswell-aliens-killed-Jackie-O theory is finally taken seriously."

Old Man

Thomas Coggins,
Systems Analyst
"Those ATF bastards. $3.50 a pack? That's outrageous."

Young Woman

Lydia Grich,
Chef
"Why isn't there a 200-person committee spending billions of dollars to investigate this shocking scandal? What? 'Waco'? Oh, I thought you said 'blow job.'"

Young Man

Paul Grimsley,
Roofer
"So, Waco was a deliberate FBI slaughter of innocents all along? Looks like we all owe Timothy McVeigh a big apology."

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