The Onion

The Falun Gong Show

August 18, 1999 | Issue 35•29

The Chinese government recently banned Falun Gong, a 100,000-member spiritual movement denounced as "dangerous to society." What do you think of China's crackdown on this meditation-based sect?

Black Man

Randall Fowler,
Systems Analyst
"Thank goodness China was able to stamp out this dangerous sitting- around- doing- nothing- but- thinking movement."

Old Woman

Pamela Olsen,
Loan Clerk
"The Chinese government may seem harsh to us, but at least over there, an individual worker-unit can propel itself along a transportway without fear of undue molestation."

Young Woman

Kaye Sollinger,
Fitness Coordinator
"Those meditators should be allowed to do what they want. It's a free country, you know."

Old Man

Larry Lantis,
Optician
"China is cracking down on a popular quasi-New Age spiritualist? I think the U.S. should follow their example and crush that Deepak Chopra guy once and for all."

Young Man

John Pellett,
Custodian
"Falun Gong? Aren't those the folks who worship harmoniously arranged furniture?"

Asian Man

Gregory Bleck,
Metal Worker
"I'm just glad the Chinese government is finally cracking down on something."

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