The Onion

IDing Teens At The Movies

June 23, 1999 | Issue 35•24

Attempting to shield teens from violent imagery, U.S. cinema owners agreed last week to require young people to show photo IDs when buying tickets for R-rated movies. What do you think?

Asian Man

James Goltz,
Student
"Man, when I hear adults talk about carding me for a stupid movie, it makes me want to get a bunch of guns and shoot everyone at my school."

Old Man

Richard Borgmann,
Bond Trader
"What's wrong with a bit of the old ultra-violence? Sometimes a droog needs a good tolchock on the old gulliver, O my brothers."

Old Woman

Dana Wynegar,
Florist
"I'm just glad that when I see the South Park movie, the theater won't be filled with noisy juveniles annoying my husband and me."

Young Woman

Michelle Kusick,
Speech Pathologist
"Well, you have to admit that similar measures have put an end to underage drinking."

Black Man

Fred Hisle,
Systems Analyst
"Shit, man, this blows. I'm 43, but I don't have any ID."

Young Man

Isaac Brye,
Dishwasher
"There's a statute of limitations on this, right? Because I got into Stripes in 1981 when I was 12."

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