The Onion

Vehicular Search And Seizure

May 26, 1999 | Issue 35•20

Last week, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled 7-2 that police do not need a warrant to search or seize a vehicle in a public place. What do you think of the court's decision to expand police powers and limit the rights of criminal suspects?

Black Man

Thomas Rayburn,
Systems Analyst
"Can people who are not police search and seize cars now, too? Because I've had my eye on my neighbor's Camaro for a long, long time."

Old Woman

Louise O'Connell,
Receptionist
"Police definitely need to file a warrant before they search a vehicle. Otherwise, how will they know for sure that the car belongs to a minority?"

Young Woman

Christine Davis,
Dental Hygienist
"What's this country coming to? Next, the police will be able to confiscate the weed from my glove compartment, too."

Young Man

Ben Gaitskell,
Repair Man
"As a certified bikini inspector, let me tell you I don't need a warrant to do my job, either. Whoo-hoo!"

Asian Man

Andy PerĂ³n,
Machine Operator
"It sounds like this is just one more way American civil liberties are being quietly chipped away. Oh, well. Could you pass me another Nutter Butter? Those things are tasty."

Old Man

Cecil Dubcek,
Hospital Administrator
"Everyone's blowing this so-called rights issue out of proportion. If someone's driving erratically, more often than not they have a car full of Jews."

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