The Onion

The Return Of Flag Burning

May 12, 1999 | Issue 35•18

On April 29, the Senate Judiciary Committee voted 11-7 to send an anti-flag-burning amendment to the full Senate floor. What do you think about the prospect of such a constitutional ban?

Young Woman

Lydia Bochte,
Nurse
"Think about it: a constitutional amendment limiting civil liberties so that protesters will no longer be able to burn flags? It just makes sense."

Old Man

Larry Stoddard,
Systems Analyst
"Why can't people get this straight? Flags are for flying; crosses are for burning."

Old Woman

Joan Nelson,
Homemaker
"Flag burning? It's fine, I suppose. Unless, of course, it's an American flag. Then it should be illegal."

Young Man

Gene Bannister,
Auto Mechanic
"This amendment hasn't even been passed, and I've already been convicted of burning a flag. Maybe it had something to do with that Perkins that was attached to it."

Asian Man

Geoff Cruz,
Forklift Operator
"I've got a bunch of American-flag napkins from last July 4th. Can I still wipe mustard off my face with them if this amendment passes? 'Cause I've got a real problem with mustard spillage, to be honest."

Black Man

Ken Bulling,
Bond Trader
"When I think about the countless flags being burned in this country every day, I must admit that something, no matter how drastic, must be done."

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