The Onion

Are Parents Responsible?

May 5, 1999 | Issue 35•17

In the wake of the April 20 massacre at Columbine High School, many are calling for charges to be filed against the parents of the two killers for not responding to warning signs. What do you think about holding parents responsible for the criminal acts of their children?

Old Woman

Judith Stoddard,
Pediatrician
"I'm sorry, but good parents know when their child is planning to shoot 500 of his classmates, hijack an airplane and crash it into New York City."

Old Man

Gordon Crowley,
Actuary
"As a responsible parent, I would never let my kids watch garbage like Natural Born Killers. Terrence Malick's Badlands is a far superior treatment of the same subject."

Black Man

John Bumbry,
Systems Analyst
"Video games, not parents, are to blame for many of these teenage crimes. I'm certain it was Frogger that taught my son to jaywalk."

Young Woman

Melissa Roenicke,
Coffee-Shop Manager
"With so many innocent children already dead, it's critical that we wait not a minute longer to enact knee-jerk legislation."

Asian Man

Roy Sakata,
Temp Worker
"Charges should be filed against anyone who knew these kids were wearing black trenchcoats and didn't do anything about it."

Young Man

Douglas Krenchicki,
Roofer
"Responsibility lies with Marilyn Manson, for inspiring this terrible violence. And with Alice Cooper, for inspiring Marilyn Manson."

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