The Onion

Should Arafat Be Removed?

September 24, 2003 | Issue 39•37

Many see Palestinian President Yasser Arafat as a roadblock to Mideast peace. What do you think?

Old Man

Scot Armstrong,
Systems Analyst
"Arafat needs to be taught a lesson he'll never survive to forget."

Black Man

James Eason,
Lawyer
"These brutish Palestinians need to learn that democracy is about choosing a leader who can speak for all Americans."

Asian Man

Jason Mantzoukas,
Deliveryman
"Hey, there's nothing like martyring a leader to calm the Palestinian extremists."

Young Man

Jon Daly,
Waiter
"Arafat should get out of politics. It would give him time to focus on his Baby AraPhat line of Palestinian urban wear."

Young Woman

Tara Copeland,
Legal Assistant
"Arafat should be replaced with someone younger and cuter, like that dreamy Hamas hunk Hafiz Mahmet al-Bahri. Oh, he was assassinated?"

Old Woman

Christine Walters,
Loan Counselor
"The question is not 'Should Arafat leave Israel?' The question is 'Why hasn't everybody left Israel?'"

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