The Onion

The 10K Dow

April 7, 1999 | Issue 35•13

On March 29, the Dow Jones made history, closing above 10,000 points for the first time ever. What do you think about Wall Street's unprecedented vigor?

Young Man

Patrick Glynn,
Cab Driver
"Damn. I knew I should have invested my money in stocks instead of food."

Black Man

Lester Hodges,
Investment Banker
"Ten thousand points doesn't seem like that much. I regularly reach that on the Dig Dug machine at the Hyper-Mart."

Old Woman

Felicia Hassler,
Systems Analyst
"Everything's wonderful! Let's celebrate America's runaway prosperity by playing 'Yes! We Have No Bananas' on the phonograph again!"

Young Woman

Jen Kobel,
Set Designer
"Some say money is the root of all evil. Then again, some say love, it is a river that drowns the tender reed."

Asian Man

Edward Burris,
Cashier
"This gives me hope that perhaps someday my income will break the $10,000 mark."

Old Man

Robert Stearns,
Architect
"Forgive me if I do not congratulate your 'Dow' as it soars to ever-loftier heights. I am still mourning my lost son Icarus, whose hubris and folly made him fly too close to the sun."

Cut-and-paste

Include:

Preview

Copy and paste this code into a new post in Blogger, MySpace, or any other blog tool. It will display this Onion headline, picture, and teaser copy on your page, depending on what you select above.

It's up to you to write the rest of the blog post.

 

Text This Headline

 

Powered by TeleFlip use to email to any cell phone

  • Print
  • blog this
  • StumbleUpon
  • Reddit
  • digg this

Personal of the Day