The Onion

Sweepstakes Under Fire

March 3, 1999 | Issue 35•08

Attorneys General from 11 states met in Indianapolis last week to discuss ways to crack down on mail-in sweepstakes like Publishers Clearing House, which they claim use deceptive mailings to trick people into buying products to help their chances of winning. What do you think about sweepstakes fraud?

Old Woman

Linda Kendall,
Piano Teacher
"The publishers have to find some way to clear their houses. If not sweepstakes, how?"

Old Man

Ronald D'Acquisto,
Systems Analyst
"Hopefully, this will end with Ed McMahon leading police on a spectacular high-speed chase in the Prize Patrol van."

Asian Man

Roy Almon,
Cashier
"So far, I've spent $47,840 on Jack & Jill subscriptions, and still no gigantic novelty check."

Young Man

Kenneth Winfield,
Delivery Driver
"I always watch the Super Bowl naked just in case I'm the live-TV grand-prize winner. Here's my dick, America."

Young Woman

Denise Briggs,
Speech Therapist
"The public is being preyed upon by unscrupulous con artists. Save us, Stone Phillips!"

Black Man

Richard Dade,
Attorney
"The public should be protected from blatantly false claims they are stupid enough to believe."

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