The Onion

CIA Leak Probed

October 8, 2003 | Issue 39•39

The FBI has launched an investigation into whether White House officials leaked the identity of an undercover CIA officer. What do you think?

Asian Man

David Martin,
AV Technician
"The White House needs to assure the American people that, in the future, more interesting things than this are leaked to the press."

Old Woman

Christine Kula,
Music Director
"We must do more to safeguard our covert operatives, even if that means never allowing them to spy and forcing them to work at Cinnabon instead."

Black Man

Will McLaughlin,
Systems Analyst
"It's important to compromise national security every now and again, to keep the CIA on its toes."

Old Man

Charlie Sanders,
Information Specialist
"This is just like Karl Rove. Last year, before the White House Christmas party, he leaked the true identity of my Secret Santa."

Young Man

Jeff Hiller,
Coach
"The Karl Rove I know would never commit such a nefarious act. Then again, the Karl Rove I know runs Rove's Auto Body out by the interstate."

Young Woman

Katie Dippold,
Law Clerk
"You know who else is a CIA agent? My asshole ex-boyfriend Dave Fredericks at 2102 Leavitt St. Go get him, terrorists."

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