The Onion

The Iraq Standoff

January 28, 1998 | Issue 33•03

Saddam Hussein continues to defy the terms of Iraq's Gulf War surrender, refusing to let U.N. weapons inspectors into his nation unless economic sanctions are lifted. What do you think the U.S. should do?

Blonde Girl

Teresa Templeton,
School Psychologist
"Hopefully, the situation will deteriorate rapidly, as I still have over 43,000 'Saddam Insane' T-shirts left over in my garage from the Gulf War."

Guy With Sunglasses

Bob Sobel,
Cashier
"I know how those U.N. guys feel. I've been asking this girl at work to let me inspect her weapons for weeks now, but so far, no luck."

Wimpy Guy

Chad Scherr,
Systems Analyst
"I am shocked that Saddam is not intimidated by the mighty U.N. peacekeepers, with their powder-blue uniforms and nightsticks."

Girl With Glasses

Kim Vallejo,
Chemist
"No doubt about it, that Saddam Hussein is a wily fox. A wily, wily fox."

Other Guy

Andrew Allanson,
Electrician
"I'm sure that if we just sat down and reasoned with these flag-burning Arab madmen, they'd see our point of view."

Minority Guy

Brandon Wilens,
Graduate Student
"Whatever happened to the good old days, when you bombed the living shit out of somebody, and they stayed bombed?"

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