The Onion

Standardized Testing Bias

November 19, 1997 | Issue 32•16

Debate is raging over the SAT and other standardized college tests, which many contend are biased against minorities and the poor. What do you think about altering or abolishing such tests?

Wimpy Guy

Gus Browning,
Accountant
"I see no reason why any high-school senior shouldn't be able to answer questions about basic yachting terminology."

Blonde Girl

Danielle Ross,
Systems Analyst
"We must make these tests less biased so that qualified minority students will have an opportunity to not be able to afford college."

Guy With Sunglasses

Carl Kukkonen,
Engineer
"There are many factors that are not adequately taken into account in standardized tests, such as who gots the dopest sneakers."

Girl With Glasses

Ellyn Archer,
Florist
"Everyone talks about the minorities, but no one ever talks about those of us who are terrified of paper."

Minority Guy

Christopher Rau,
Waiter
"I was discriminated against during the college-testing process because I come from a culture that is opposed to filling in circles completely and with firm pressure."

Other Guy

Donny Slaim,
Delivery Driver
"I think the tests should be tailored to the strengths of each individual student. I, for example, would have aced the SAT if it focused less on spatial equations and more on Queensrÿche."

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