The Onion

The Threat Of Cyberterrorism

November 4, 1997 | Issue 32•14

With the business world becoming increasingly dependent on the Internet, there is concern that not enough is being done to guard against potentially devastating sabotage by "cyberterrorists." What do you think?

Guy With Sunglasses

Frank Moreland,
Piano Teacher
"You mean some hacker could disrupt the computerized billing and record-keeping of my local phone company, costing them millions of dollars? That's awesome."

Blonde Girl

Carol Sandberg,
Flight Attendant
"What if these terrorists got into the Snickers web site? They could potentially alter the peanuts-to-nougat ratio."

Wimpy Guy

Donald Davis,
Systems Analyst
"You don't think one of these cyberterrorists could somehow infiltrate a chat room and pretend to be a sexy girl, do you?"

Other Guy

Phillip Sutcliffe,
Actuary
"No cyberterrorists shall gain access to my data—I'm protected by the coolest password ever: Shadowfax. Oh, no, I said it aloud! My hubris has undone me once again!"

Girl With Glasses

Liz Durham,
Retiree
"As a nursing-home resident, I live in constant fear of the fiberterrorists who force me to take my Metamucil."

Minority Guy

Ernest Cey,
Speechwriter
"Well, cyberterrorists may be difficult to capture in the act, but from what I know about people who are highly skilled with computers, they should be easy to beat up."

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