The Onion

Silicone Breast Implants

October 22, 2003 | Issue 39•41

An advisory panel to the Food and Drug Administration recommended that the 11-year ban on the sale of silicone breast implants be lifted. What do you think?

Old Man

Peter Bosniak,
Investment Banker
"There's absolutely nothing dangerous about silicone implants, unless they are inserted into a woman's body."

Asian Man

Brian Berebbi,
Researcher
"The only options are sand- and water-based implants? What about air and fire implants?"

Black Man

Matthew Decoster,
Systems Analyst
"Breast implants are a personal decision that should be left to the women—those poor, small-tattied women."

Young Woman

Michelle Magee,
Florist
"Why are you asking me if the ban on implants should be lifted? What are you implying? That my breasts are too small?"

Old Woman

Wilma Hines,
Political Activist
"The ban should not only be lifted, but separated, as well."

Young Man

Andy Rocco,
Line Cook
"They have to lift the ban. Doctors are bound by the Hippocratic oath to do whatever they can to help people."

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