The Onion

Is The President Above The Law?

April 23, 1997 | Issue 31•15

Last week, President Clinton's Whitewater business partner was sentenced to three years in prison, while the president avoided standing trial. Days later, Attorney General Janet Reno announced she would not order an investigation of Clinton's questionable 1996 election fund-raising. Should presidents in some cases be exempt from prosecution?

Girl With Glasses

Felicia Koonce,
Systems Analyst
"Presidents should be held accountable for all their actions. Except shoplifting. That's no big deal."

Guy With Sunglasses

Tyler Grieg,
Chiropractor
"I still think they should have made Gerald Ford stand trial for strangling that hooker."

Wimpy Guy

Ryan Sturbridge,
School Psychologist
"When I was president of the River Valley Birdwatchers Club, I had free reign. I was fuckin' unstoppable."

Minority Guy

Nevin Vance,
Bartender
"Clinton should go to jail for Whitewater 'cause he's a fag-lovin', pot-smokin', womanizing draft dodger. Do you ride this bus often?"

Blonde Girl

Donna Moreland,
Sculptor
"Bill Clinton is still a young man. If any of these crimes should end up on his permanent record, it may limit his options later in life."

Other Guy

Tim Brundage,
Chemical Engineer
"In a democratic society like ours, only one man is above the law. I speak, of course, of box-office action champ Steven Seagal."

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