The Onion

Pregame Prayer

December 8, 1999 | Issue 35•45

Citing separation of church and state, a Texas judge recently banned students at a Galveston high school from praying before home football games. The case is being appealed to the U.S. Supreme Court. What do you think about pregame prayer?

Young Woman

Patrice Thomas,
Student
"Football players need to learn to rely on their skills as athletes, not on the aid of omnipotent deities."

Old Woman

Jeanette Loesser,
Telemarketer
"So these people want to pray? Before a football game? In Texas? Hmm... something here just doesn't add up."

Young Man

Kevin Whittaker,
Electrician
"But what if both teams pray to God for help? That's just putting the Lord in a really awkward position, if you ask me."

Old Man

Victor Davis,
Systems Analyst
"I think it's fine, as long as it's Christian prayers. Anything else is un-American."

Asian Man

Omar Tulin,
File Clerk
"Jesus will lead the Fitchburg Spartans to victory, just as surely as He made me not gay."

Black Man

Andre Simmons,
Banker
"Before all of my son's football games, I say a little prayer that he won't fuck up and that I won't have to beat him for it lat

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