The Onion

Is Divorce Too Easy?

August 26, 1997 | Issue 32•04

With the divorce rate continuing to soar, some family advocates are calling for legislation making it more difficult to dissolve a marriage. What do you think about toughening divorce laws?

Wimpy Guy

Kenny Cooper,
Construction Worker
"Can't these fat-cat legislators in Washington figure out some way to make two people love each other?"

Minority Guy

Adrian Pulsipher,
Podiatrist
"With divorces so easy to obtain, what kind of message are we sending our children—that it's okay to not like being unhappy?"

Blonde Girl

Pamela Hyland,
Systems Analyst
"Before a couple gets a divorce, the least they can do is have one last baby to try to save the marriage."

Other Guy

Theodore Kolb,
Roofer
"Our divorce laws need to protect the real victims in all of this: the people who buy expensive wedding gifts for doomed couples. That breadmaker for the Silvermans cost me $250."

Guy With Sunglasses

Jon Loftus,
Math Teacher
"Friend, I've been through it. And law or no law, nothing is more heartbreaking than losing that 60 percent higher tax deduction for filing jointly."

Girl With Glasses

Irene Abrams,
Pharmacist
"You mean people can still get married? That bastard lied to me!"

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