mobile edition

At the AV Club: Best Music Of The '00s

National

Murder Down In The Big Apple

January 15, 1997 | Issue 31•01

Murder rates dropped in New York City for the third straight year in 1996, with total homicides in the city under 1,000 for the first time since the mid-1960s. What do you think of the surprising statistics?

Girl With Glasses

Evelyn Boucai,
Parole Officer
"I guess the murderers are finally realizing it's about quality, not quantity."

Other Guy

Roger Gifford,
Systems Analyst
"I'm baffled. In 1996, I killed twice as many people as usual, and still this decline. Someone's not pulling their weight."

Guy With Sunglasses

Don Auletta,
Speech Pathologist
"I heard that the New York murder rate was under 1,000, but once I get that backstage pass to Rent, it should be up to 1,045."

Minority Guy

Mitch Dubin,
Plumber
"The murder rate is plummeting as people over the age of 75 continue to die. No, wait—that's Murder She Wrote ratings."

Blonde Girl

Sima Storch,
Lawyer
"Does this number include the countless murders that were committed against helpless fetuses in my womb? If not, add three more for '96."

Wimpy Guy

Stan Pagiavlas,
Actuary
"Hmm... New York City's murder rate is down. So how is the Internet helping to shape our view of this important phenomenon? Hi, I'm Time magazine editor Walter Isaacson."

Cut-and-paste

Include:

Preview

Copy and paste this code into a new post in Blogger, MySpace, or any other blog tool. It will display this Onion headline, picture, and teaser copy on your page, depending on what you select above.

It's up to you to write the rest of the blog post.

 

Text This Headline

 

Powered by TeleFlip use to email to any cell phone

  • Print
  • blog this
  • StumbleUpon
  • Reddit
  • digg this

Meet Other Onion Readers

more personals »