The Onion

Space Jammed

November 19, 1996 | Issue 30•15

The new film Space Jam—which teams up Michael Jordan with numerous Warner Brothers cartoon characters, and prominently features corporate giants like Nike and McDonald's—has been criticized by some for its overt commerciality. What do you think of the movie?

Blonde Girl

Caroline Murphy,
Lawyer
"Space Jam? Bah! I prefer more enlightened, intellectual fare. That's why I plan to see the new Roman Polanski film, Night and the Archbishop, featuring Chilly Willy."

Other Guy

Gerald Boucher,
Numerologist
"Bugs Bunny is a priceless piece of Americana. That's why when Space Jam premieres, I'll be the first in line—burning myself alive Buddhist-style in front of the theater."

Wimpy Guy

Otto Richards,
Chimney Sweep
"I hope now I'll finally be able to find Chicago Bulls or Warner Brothers merchandise.

Minority Guy

Charles Odomes,
Orthodontist
"I hear there's this one part in the movie where somebody gets bonked in the head."

Guy With Sunglasses

Stephen Frey,
Systems Analyst
"I can't wait to see Daffy and Taz on the big screen again. Bugs, I could do without, since he once sodomized me behind the log flume at Six Flags. He's much, much taller in person, you know."

Girl With Glasses

Marianne Hustings,
Guidance Counselor
"See Space Jam in the theaters? No thanks. I'll wait to see it the way it was meant to be seen—on network TV, surrounded by commercials."

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