The Onion

The Great Wal-Mart of China

September 25, 1996 | Issue 30•07

Wal-Mart recently opened its first store in China, bringing its wide selection and everyday low prices to a virtually untapped new market of more than one billion. What do you think about this American retail giant's invasion of the Far East?

Wimpy Guy

Dennis Pearson,
Pro Football Player
"Wal-Mart in China? Good idea! That will eliminate shipping costs from the manufacturer to the store."

Minority Guy

Walt Huber,
Speech Pathologist
"I'd like to visit that store. Then I could see my wife before I buy her."

Girl With Glasses

Leonore Kent,
Systems Analyst
"As a fat Beijing housewife with nine children, I'm glad I'll finally have the chance to push a cart around a huge, fluorescent-lit store, just like I would in America."

Blonde Girl

Cheryl Coogan,
Registered Dietitian
"That explains why, when I tried to return a defective toaster oven recently, they told me I had to take it to their store in Wutan."

Other Guy

Kenny Post,
Truant Officer
"Hopefully, this will provide a better market for their poorly selling line of Sam's Choice Human Rights Abuses."

Guy With Sunglasses

Peter Frankowicz,
Tax Attorney
"As a cost-conscious Chinese peasant, I'm sticking with Sears. They've got the Kenmore-brand huts I'm looking for."

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