Is Ellen Gay?
All of America is talking about comedian Ellen DeGeneres, whose television character on ABC's Ellen may reveal herself to be a lesbian this season. What do you think?
Alison Landsman,
Bank Manager
"Ellen DeGeneres? More like Ellen Degenerate, if you ask me!"
Don Steffens,
Limnologist
"I've suspected her character was gay ever since that episode where she ferociously ate out that secretary."
Kevin Byrne,
Receptionist
"Thanks to Ellen and Melissa Etheridge, a valuable lesson has been learned: Gay people can be just as mediocre and untalented as straights."
Acker Bilk,
Systems Analyst
"I think that whatever anyone does behind closed doors is his or her own business, unless the kangaroo's bleating keeps the neighbors up at night."
Kelly Howe,
Groundskeeper
"Everybody here at the ABC women's rugby team knows Ellen quite well, and I can assure you there's no truth to those rumors."
Andy LaPointe,
Stockbroker
"Forget Ellen—have you heard the rumor that that guy on Martin is a colored?"
