The Onion

FDA To Ban Ephedra

February 4, 2004 | Issue 40•05

The FDA recently announced that it plans to prohibit sales of products containing ephedra, a stimulant sold primarily for weight loss. What do you think?

Old Man

Donald Clark,
Systems Analyst
"If they ban ephedra, they're just going to drive fat people out into the streets for their weight-loss fix."

Young Man

Alan King,
Unemployed
"This is bullshit. I contacted the FDA after my cousin swallowed three wooden blocks and died, and you still see those on the market."

Asian Man

Steve Hernandez,
Cook
"Well, for now, I can get along fine with bitter orange, royal jelly, and the lichen derivative usnic acid."

Old Woman

Martha Nelson,
Product Tester
"How terrible! Americans have no other options for weight-loss products."

Young Woman

Angela Hall,
Teacher
"You can ban the drug ephedra, but you'll never be able to ban what ephedra stands for."

Black Man

Gregory Green,
Professor
"Why is it always the drugs that suffer when people get hurt?"

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