The Onion

Angels Among Us?

October 16, 1996 | Issue 30•10

A recent poll revealed that 63 percent of Americans believe in the existence of angels. What do you think?

Wimpy Guy

Otto Montville,
Podiatrist
"I was touched by an angel—last Saturday, on CBS."

Blonde Girl

Shannon Colavito,
Tax Attorney
"I believed in angels until I met Mother Teresa—what a bitch."

Other Guy

Cory Hooper,
Coal Miner
"I believe my mother to be an angel. A perfect angel. I even stapled a little halo onto her head. I keep her in my basement."

Guy With Sunglasses

Alan Dwyer,
Meteorologist
"My grandpa is an angel now, and he watches over my sister and brothers and me. Hi, my name is Jeffy, of Family Circus fame, and my creator, Bil Keane, is bat-shit insane."

Minority Guy

Jim Tatum,
Tuba Player
"Innocent schoolgirl by day, high-priced hooker by night... How could you not believe in Angel?"

Girl With Glasses

Kathleen Foli,
Systems Analyst
"I thought I saw an angel once, but it was just my husband in a druid's cloak masturbating to organ music."

Cut-and-paste

Include:

Preview

Copy and paste this code into a new post in Blogger, MySpace, or any other blog tool. It will display this Onion headline, picture, and teaser copy on your page, depending on what you select above.

It's up to you to write the rest of the blog post.

 

Text This Headline

 

Powered by TeleFlip use to email to any cell phone

  • Print
  • blog this
  • StumbleUpon
  • Reddit
  • digg this

Personal of the Day