The Onion

Milosevic Genocide Case Faltering

March 10, 2004 | Issue 40•10

Legal experts said it's likely that Slobodan Milosevic will be acquitted of genocide at the conclusion of his U.N. war-crimes tribunal. What do you think?

Young Man

Larry Robinson,
Dishwasher
"They wasted two years questioning an innocent man, and the real genocider is still out there somewhere."

Old Woman

Shirley Green,
Salesperson
"All this because the witness who'd been out walking his dog couldn't say whether he saw the genocide happen at 10:15 or 10:30."

Asian Man

Frank Young,
Sound Engineer
"I'm surprised that Milosevic was able to plead his case down to 180,000 charges of vehicular manslaughter."

Old Man

Eric Nelson,
Curator
"I hope they provided him with a good rehabilitation program while he was in jail. Otherwise, he's just going to wind up committing more genocides."

Young Woman

Anna Wright,
Illustrator
"When I look in his eyes, I don't see a genocidal butcher. I see a man who needs a hug, and I'm the woman who's going to give it to him."

Black Man

Josh Turner,
Systems Analyst
"Who's his defense lawyer? 'Cause I just crushed three people in a drunken backhoe incident, and I totally don't wanna go to jail."

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