The Onion

Richard Clarke Speaks Out

March 31, 2004 | Issue 40•13

Former counterterrorism official Richard Clarke emerged as a controversial, outspoken figure at the Sept. 11 investigation hearings. What do you think?

Old Woman

Tammy Kroft,
Business Owner
"Clarke is just another crazy conspiracy theorist claiming that the federal government is slow, inefficient, and unfocused."

Young Woman

Katie Sanderson,
Legal Secretary
"I don't think Clarke is lying. He's got a book to back up his claims. What does the White House have? Nothing."

Old Man

Karl Kruger,
Systems Analyst
"In this time of crisis, we should stand by the president no matter what. Yes, I know I've been saying that same thing for three straight years now. So?"

Asian Man

Vincent Wenz,
Bartender
"Clarke is just mad because he was passed over for a promotion. And because his bosses' indifference to the American public was indirectly responsible for 3,000 deaths."

Young Man

David Everly,
Cook
"Dick Clarke, despite the controversy, still looks amazingly good after all these years."

Black Man

Thomas Smith,
Architect
"Richard Clarke was fixated on, even obsessed with, terrorists and terrorism. Do we really want people like that in our government?"

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