The Onion

The Interest-Rate Hike

July 7, 2004 | Issue 40•27

Last week, the Federal Reserve raised a key short-term interest rate for the first time in four years. What do you think?

Old Woman

Danielle Strohkirch,
Secretary
"It's about time Greenspan got off his duff and did something other than sit around the office all day analyzing market indicators."

Asian Man

Justin Fillmore,
Dental Hygienist
"As long as the rate hike makes it tougher for terrorists to afford the tools of terror, I'll support it."

Black Man

Michael Eighmy,
Systems Analyst
"Perfect. Just perfect. First my wife leaves me, then my son dies in a car accident, and now this?"

Old Man

Tony Fields,
Audiologist
"Classic move by the Fed Chief there. Man, Greenspan—gotta love him."

Young Man

Jason Forst,
Performer
"The lenders should fight the Feds and refuse to raise the rates. Come on, America. We can do this."

Young Woman

Christine Cain,
Veterinarian
"How does the Federal Reserve sleep at night? More to the point, how does it stay awake during the day?"

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