The Onion

Does Iran Pose A Threat?

July 14, 2004 | Issue 40•28

While Iran did free the British sailors it detained last month, the country is still threatening to restart its nuclear program. What do you think?

Black Man

Kenneth Ridener,
Systems Analyst
"So a country in the Mideast has been acting irrationally? I guess that's news."

Old Man

Donald Stiles,
Tax Examiner
"Like it or not, the time to stop this is right now, before we're forced to restore the Soviet Union and beat them at hockey again."

Young Woman

Brenda Stearns,
Archivist
"Remember the good old days when Iran and Iraq were always at war with each other, and nobody else gave a shit who won or lost?"

Asian Man

Alfredo Mireles,
Cook
"As the manager of the long-forgotten '80s sensation A Flock Of Seagulls, this can only be good for me."

Young Man

Jeffrey Eubanks,
Truck Driver
"Show me where the U.N. charter states that sovereign nations have the right to behave like the U.S."

Old Woman

Karla Finik,
Hairdresser
"Should we take action against Iran? We just liberated them. Check your facts before asking stupid questions."

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