The Onion

The Widening Income Gap

August 25, 2004 | Issue 40•34

According to a recent report based on census data, the gap between the rich and poor widened in 2003. What do you think?

Black Man

Rick Lembecker,
Developer
"Good. I was having a hard time telling the rich and poor apart."

Asian Man

Andrew Meijor,
Social Worker
"What does 'rich' or 'poor' even mean? And before you start, I don't want to hear any of that 'annual household income' nonsense."

Young Woman

Sheila Reed,
Nurse
"Sure, the rich are getting richer and the poor are getting poorer. But the great untold story is that the people in the exact middle are becoming a whole lot middler, too."

Old Man

Gary Wundrow,
Systems Analyst
"If this keeps up, I might finally be able to hire myself a white maid."

Old Woman

Kimberly Szaflarski,
Bill Collector
"I realize that, historically, phrases like 'massive redistribution of wealth' are usually accompanied by rivers of blood. That said, it's about time for a massive redistribution of wealth."

Young Man

David Martinovich,
Salesman
"Bottom line is, you're not buying this lawn mower."

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