The Onion

U.N. To Look For Genocide In Darfur

October 13, 2004 | Issue 40•41

Last week, U.N. Secretary General Kofi Annan set up a commission to determine whether genocide has taken place in the Darfur region of Sudan. What do you think?

Old Man

Harold Mercer,
Systems Analyst
"So this might have been a genocide after all, and not a civil war in which only one side was fighting."

Young Woman

Amber Hughes,
Program Aide
"I think the U.N. is going to find that the blame lies with all the Sudanese rap music that glamorizes genocide."

Young Man

Tom Cook,
Salesman
"I don't know why the U.N. is getting involved in the first place. I also don't know what 'U.N.' stands for."

Black Man

Patrick Zink,
Administrator
"I think the entire world will breathe a sigh of relief if the U.N. finds that it is not genocide. Well, everyone except for the half-million people who were murdered there."

Asian Man

Teodoro Manzo,
Roofer
"Darfur, Darfur, Darfur. That's all you ever hear these days. That, and the ongoing slaughter of civilians at the hands of government troops and Maoist rebels in Nepal."

Old Woman

Norma Carrigan,
Appraiser
"I sure hope the U.N. determines it was a genocide. Otherwise, none of the Sudanese will be covered under their genocide insurance."

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