The Onion

Bill O'Reilly Sex Scandal

October 20, 2004 | Issue 40•42

Last week, a Fox News Channel producer sued Bill O'Reilly for sexual harassment, alleging that the cable host pressured her into phone sex. What do you think?

Old Woman

Peggy Knight,
Art Teacher
"Someone's coming at Bill O'Reilly with lurid public accusations of a heinous personal nature? Wow. Sometimes life can be so... fair."

Old Man

Jonathan Warren,
Announcer
"He wasn't sexually harassing her. He was just looking out for her, like he's doing for all of us, all the time."

Asian Man

Shawn Jiminez,
Assessor
"No wonder it costs $3.99 a minute to call in to 'The Factor.'"

Black Man

Curtis Fletcher,
Systems Analyst
"Whether Andrea Mackris' claims are true or false, one thing is certain—that woman is never working for the vast right-wing conspiracy again."

Young Man

Andy Vaughn,
Clerk
"This is just another example of the liberal media's bias against self-destructive, narcissistic, screaming sexist assholes."

Young Woman

Cindy Beck,
Food Scientist
"Just once, I'd like to hear about a sex scandal with honest-to-God penetration."

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