The Onion

The Stem-Cell Bill

June 1, 2005 | Issue 41•22

The House recently passed a bill lifting restrictions on stem-cell research, but Bush has threatened to veto the bill if it passes the Senate. What do you think?

Asian Man

Ali Marni,
Contractor
"The Democrats and Republicans—and most of the American public—are actually in agreement over an issue. You can see how Bush would want to put a stop to that right away."

Black Man

Todd Filbert,
Lawyer
"Some things are just morally reprehensible, like using science to save people's lives."

Young Woman

Tanya Spinks,
Hand Model
"If Bush vetoes this bill, I'm going to veto him! With a bumper sticker, of course."

Young Man

Gary Schneider,
Systems Analyst
"Hey, if it weren't for scientific research, Christopher Reeve would've died on that polo field and none of this would even be an issue in the first place."

Old Man

Wesley Wilkes,
Fry Cook
"The Democrats want stem-cell research so they can cure multiple sclerosis. The GOP wants it so they can grow an army of zombies. So Bush is in a tough spot politically."

Old Woman

Rose Anderson,
Translator
"They're not stems, they're babies! And they're not cells, they're babies! And it's not research, it's babies!"

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