Amateur-Photography Tips

Photography can be a fun and rewarding hobby. Here are some helpful hints to get aspiring shutterbugs started:

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Girl with camera.

• If you're unsure how your pictures are coming along, don't be afraid to open the camera and hold the film up to the sun for a sneak peek.

• Some photographers use a tripod for stability, but for maximum steadiness, use a dodecapod.
• Variety is key! For a change of pace, try folding back the labial lips.
• If surrounded by a group of thugs who want to steal your camera, simply fawn over them and insist that you can make them stars.
• Shutter speed is crucial in photography somehow.
• Don't take your film to Walgreens for development. Those guys are, like, Nazis.
• Rather than gawking at attractive women who pass you on the street, take a picture. It will last longer.

• Make sure the subjects of your photos are always smiling. No one likes a frowny-face.
• Amaze your friends with the remarkable Mini Secret Spy Camera! Fits in pocket. Undetectable. Weighs 2 1/2 oz. Precision ground lens. Film included. Super! . . . . . . . . . . . . . $1.25

• Vinnie DiResta of Brooklyn, NY, has got something you can take a picture of right here.
• Dogs wearing funny hats always make for a powerful artistic statement.

• European photo magazines are an excellent way to see naked women without feeling like a dirty lech.
• Kodachrome film will give you the nice bright colors, give you the greens of summer, make you think all the world's a sunny day. Oh, yeah.

• Avoid photographing Native Americans, because they believe taking a picture steals a part of a person's soul. Instead, take pictures of Germans. They eat that shit up.