Food Critic Tears Radish Canapés With Salmon Mousse A New Asshole

September 7, 2005 | Issue 41•36

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Haberle said that he takes a broad array of factors into account—including quality and freshness of ingredients, attention to detail, and price—before deciding whether or not a particular course deserves to be "bent backwards over a toilet and skull-fucked."

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The dish that got "ripped a new one" by Haberle (above).

"Did you read the part where I say the canapés' 'pedestrian plating falls somewhere between gauche and maladroit'? Take that, sub-par appetizer."

Haberle hastened to add that, although he is a discriminating critic, he more often than not gives positive reviews.

"I have no problem with slobbing the knob of a Gorgonzola-stuffed prawn if I feel it's earned. Just last week, I had a roasted striped bass in an almond-chanterelle crust with caramelized cipollini onions that was so divine I'd piss-gargle its sweaty balls in an abortion-clinic dumpster if that's what it was into."

When asked if he will return to La Maison de Vin to give the canapés a "second go-round," Haberle responded, "I kick-fucked that bitch, and I think it's best I leave it to rot in the ditch where I left it."

Members of the community have defended Haberle's review, saying his column has proven indispensable when selecting restaurants.

"Sure, he's being a little hard on the dish," said Sue Wellington, 42, who regularly dines out with her husband, Chuck. "But if Mr. Haberle drowns a plate of sesame-marinated cuttlefish in hot, infected jets of his pus-curdled cum, Chuck and I know to stay away from it."