Elf Finger Found In Box Of Keebler Cookies

September 14, 2005 | Issue 41•37

PINE MEADOW, CA—Pine Meadow resident Ed Swaney made a gruesome discovery Sunday, when he opened a package of E.L. Fudge Sandwich Cookies and found a tiny, golden-fingernailed appendage believed to be an elfin index finger.

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"It was horrifying," said 43-year-old Swaney, a shoe salesman and frequent snacker. "At first, I thought it was just a broken-off little cookie chunk, but then my tongue brushed a tiny bone on the end, and I spit it out."

Forensic investigators say the digit is an index finger, measuring nearly three-quarters of an inch, and bearing a small signet ring embossed with a tree design. A spokesperson for Kellogg's, Keebler's parent company, denied responsibility for the incident.

"The finger found in the box of E.L. Fudge cookies is nearly an inch long," said Kenneth Froud, director of public relations for Kellogg's. "An average Keebler elf is about as tall as a Chips Deluxe cookie. The finger in question is far too big to be that of an elf."

Riverside County police are investigating the grisly incident, obtaining warrants to access workelves' compensation records and interviewing employees in hopes of locating the finger's owner. Assisting in the investigation is Harvey Quinn, a workplace-safety and labor-relations consultant and longtime critic of Keebler workplace conditions.

According to Quinn, Keebler's denials are "a cunning subterfuge."

"When the elves roll fudge-stripe cookies down the production line, they are about three inches tall," Quinn said. "However, when they are outside of the enchanted tree, they grow to nearly three feet."

Quinn said the "real issue" is Kellogg's track record of nonhuman workers' rights violations, explaining that the company is currently facing multiple lawsuits, including cruelty to an endangered talking species of bipedal tiger and toucan abuse.

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