The Onion

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Cigarette Moderation Still Kills

A new study shows that smoking as little as one cigarette a day can still triple heart-disease risks. What do you think?

Old Woman

Judith Halverson,
Florist
"That's okay, because I only smoke one cigarette a night with a glass of red wine."

Black Man

Kyle DeHart,
Claims Adjuster
"Well, luckily for me, risk turns chicks on."

Old Man

Andrew Lentz,
Systems Analyst
"Oh crap! That means my heart-disease risk is 560 times higher than a non-smoker?"

All American Voices

Personal of the Day