The Onion

Wednesday, October 5, 2005

Violent Crime At 30-Year Low

Statistics indicate that the violent-crime rate in the U.S. is at its lowest point in 30 years. What do you think?

Young Woman

Hailey Woodruff,
Tailor
"Violent crime is down largely due to the use of tasers, which when used properly, are considered not violent, but 'humorous' crimes."

Young Man

Richard Comstock,
Cashier
"It's no wonder. With the unattainable standards set by violence in the media, no one wants to try to compete."

Asian Man

Jackson Crow,
Systems Analyst
"As much as I'd like to contest this new statistic, it's just not worth being tried for 426 counts of murder."

All American Voices

Personal of the Day